So first off: I’m pansexual.
For a long time I identified as bisexual. I’ve always known that I was attracted to guys and girls but I didn’t completely understand what being pansexual meant, I wasn’t comfortable identifying as something I couldn’t define; and there are A LOT of definitions of pansexuality floating around, but the one that describes me is that I am sexually attracted to any gender; including non-binary genders. For me it’s more of a case by case scenario, where gender doesn’t really come into the process.
I have no interest in broadcasting it. I am neither embarrassed, nor ashamed, and I don’t think it will really affect how those of importance in my life think about me. When I started identifying as bisexual, I didn’t really come out. My family don’t know my sexuality either, unless they’re reading this article – in which case, now ya know. This was less a change in who I was and more just a change in perspective, since literally nothing about me had changed.
If you start calling an orange an apple it’s still an orange underneath.
In the same way that I had resisted announcing my heterosexuality every time I walked into a room before, I had no interest in announcing my bisexuality and I feel no need to throw in my pansexuality every time I meet someone. The only time you actually need to know about my sexuality is if you’re a potential sexual partner, and for the vast majority of people I come into contact with, that’s just not the case.
Personally, I’ve never been one for identifying strongly with communities/demographics that I fall into.
Some people gain a real sense of comradery from having those connections and I completely respect that, but it’s not the case for me. Because my personality doesn’t really resonate with the LGBTQ+ community, I don’t particularly need people to know that I’m part of it. If you ask me, I will tell you – it’s not a secret, but equally it just isn’t something you need to know, to know me.
So if you want to know my sexuality, sure I’ll tell you. And now you know. But if you’re the kind of person who’s going to change how you think of me because of my sexuality? Well quite frankly, it doesn’t matter what you think of me.
Written by Nyanda Foday