Hello You Gorgeous Creature You,
My name is Lexia, I’m a 21 year old poet and actress and I hope your life is playing-out better than mine at this moment in time, I genuinely do, if not you’ve probably heard the saying “misery loves company”. Any and all are welcome in my virtual humble abode. You can expect me to be all kinds of candid and goofy. If Ally McBeal and Jess (from New Girl) had a love child that would be me, but with more abstract daydreams.
As of 15:47 pm on the 11th January 2016 I have full-on free-fallen into being a fulltime freelance artist! AKA been made redundant.
And you know what guys? I don’t really know how to feel. I’m kind of numb.
Actually I’m lying, I do have some adjectives that simplify my feelings; abject fear, terror, scorn, ready and excited.
This is the second time this has happened to me and I know many people dream of being freelance, guess what? So do I, it gives you the freedom to say “YES” and actually commit to projects, something you can’t do when locked into contracts and inflexible/unsocial hours.
But I had envisioned it happening at a much later stage in my career, I would be established, have contacts, and a reasonable haystack of savings I had squirrelled away from my “Normie” jobs (anything that isn’t arts related, retail, waitressing etc.) to keep me afloat on rainy days or months.
Alas this is not how things seem to be playing out! I find myself chanting “Imma trust you Universe, I believe in your guidance in my life” whilst starring up at the luminescent stars and planets in the roof of my shoe-box bedroom.
My brain is torn in a battle, desperately wanting to believe what I am saying is true whilst being super subversive and telling me my life is going down ‘shits-creek’ and I’m without a paddle. Just visualise Edward Munch’s, The Scream.
If anyone asked me for my 2 cents on what it meant to be an artist I would have to say that it was living in a perpetual state of uncertainty. Fortunately for me I’m a fighting optimist, I will work tirelessly to make my goals a reality. Plus I’m not really in a position to be giving away my pennies.
I keep telling myself, between bouts of anxiety, that I rose to the challenge before, with the help of my family and friends, that means I can do it again. This time around the dust has settled a lot more and I’m reasonably secure:
I have a roof over my head, every time I ring my Mom and say I haven’t got a job she’s always like “you’ve got a roof over your head, and food to eat, God will provide”.
I only have one bill that comes out of my bank direct debit monthly now (phone), well until April then it will be two, and that equates to £27.90 or there about. I buy a monthly bus pass which is £60 and I definitely freaking need it.
Otherwise there is no freaking way I’m going to be able to go to events and perform, watch or network. I need to eat, contribute to home living expenses and just generally adult. Not to mention all the train tickets I need to buy to go down to London to audition for stuff *SLAMS HEAD ON DESK*.
I basically worked out very quickly that I need money to make money. Thrifty just got a brand new sister.
I know things could be much worse but I decided a long time ago that I would stop comparing my life and belittling my struggles. I’m ready to make some magic happen this year, I plan to blog weekly this about all the trials and triumphs of being a young freelance artist. And all the little things in-between that help me progress.
I would love if you would follow me on my journey this year, I give you permission to root for me and laugh at/with me. If you’re freelance artist or writer too please leave some wisdom in the comment box and on Freelance & Fear-Less.
Peace, love and good vibrations
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*Image used was created by Edvard Munch